While I Was Waiting....

So like God to place the memory of this blog in front of me a few weeks ago--- just in time for some deeper issues of healing that have taken place over these last five years of my blog-hiatus.

I now know of course why I lacked peace about the possibilities of that new house, (that we did get by the way... pond and all). Oh how time works wonders on the heart. If you let it. For so long I hadn't and God in His infinite mercy found it necessary to pry my sticky fingers off a dream which was not to be. Only to place in my brokenness afterwards, Grace.

Broken dreams abounded for some long length of time and still my Jesus carried me, wept with me, urged me to make better choices. To stay strong and choose His best for me. Then the failing. The process beginning from that point and perhaps a little wiser after the scars were still stinging from the recent blow.

Joy abides now. Peace settles like friendly birds on my arms as I lift them high in praise to my Savior. God is good-all the time.

Becoming Nothing

Martin Luther once said, "God creates out of nothing. Therefore until a man is nothing, God can make nothing out of him."

Wow. Got this in my daily devotional from Girlfriends in God today.

Pride has definitely been rearing its ugly head in my life lately..

Lord, help me to become nothing so You can work within me and others can see You clearly.
Help me to step aside and give You everything.
In Jesus' glorious name,
Amen

Nothing and Everything

Kind of an extension of my thoughts on transitions... Still in a middle ground/ floundering really, as to what life (should that be in quotations?) has in store for me. Yes, me. Vain me... I have been swinging from opposite ends of two extremes. Like a trapeze artist hovering above the abyss~ no net? Yes, a net.. Is He my net? What am I holding onto? I certainly have not been using the commandment of surrender very well. I guess I am holding onto my old expectations , fear and doubt.

Sigh....

They.. whoever "they" are.. say that moving is one of those BIG transitions that are so stressful on a couple. Seriously. As IF this last year + a few months haven't been so trying? Is the move good? Will He allow it? What is to come of it? Why , why , why am I not at peace?

I am supposing that at this point is it more Me and my fears ruling over me that are the reason for the feelings of unease. I've prayed as well as I could about it. Maybe that's a lie. Quite frankly, I am still mad. Oh what a job He has with me. I should probably reread that book I wrote about eons ago called "Better Than My Dreams".

** Knowing something in your head is entirely different than knowing it in your heart as truth, however.** I do believe I am living in my head right now and not trusting Him to take care of me. So the reason for this post. The hope that getting this darkness out of me and into the Light will help shake me up to see the reality.

Transitions

I guess life is just a series of transitions, isn't it?

My boys are a testimony to that.. not only getting older, but personalities shift and grow, phases of wants and needs change.. hmmm

I always thought I was a flexible kind of a person. I am beginning to see my self. My real self as a beloved child of Christ in a new light.


I hate goodbyes. I really do.
When my friend Yvonne left to live in Canada with her hubby because of a great Univ. job offer.. I was torn up.


My brother died in March of '08. I guess that's a different kind of goodbye, since theroretically I can still talk to and see Yvonne and Lukas.

My Nana is having problems with her heart and now her lungs. At 89; she's already been preparing for her goodbye. She's talked about how long she would be here since Ryan
and then her sister passing away. Lots of goodbyes for her too..

But how about the goodbye of expectations previously held? Marriage, parenting, friend relationships.. It all comes down to people, too. All things revolve around relationship.
You really can't be an island. Not for long anyways...

So with transitions I have to expect a goodbye. Maybe that can be a good thing. Maybe the too-tightly-held expectations were a binding string meant to be cut loose. I think I tend towards a glass half empty attitude and I am trying to really see not just the goodbyes.. and the changes or transitions that event brings (sometimes really slowly) but I can also focus on the Hello's.

Nothing happening that I can really post about. It's all a bound up sort of jumbled mess right now and while I won't try to white knuckle the goodbyes.. I am praying I can see and appreciate the Hello's when they happen.

These are the puppies that were born June 8th! They are 51/2 weeks old.. Enjoy!

Puppies!

Mandy had puppies on June 8th! Mandy is our black aussie/border collie mix dog.. Peanut our shih-tzu is claiming to be the daddy... odd mix, isn't it?
The puppies are so cute though! There are six and there are three black with white , two brown and white and a black/brown one...
The runty one looks exactly like Mandy! Even down to the white patch on her chest..
The boys want to keep them all! ha!! not likely... can you imagine 8 dogs in one house?
I can't!